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The Macalope Weekly: Who writes this stuff?

The Macalope | Sept. 10, 2012
It'll be a big week next weekas Apple gets set to unveil the next iPhone, and the pundits are already letting us know what a disappointment it'll be. Aren't they helpful? Frankly, the Macalope is used to that, since it happens every year. What he can't take are the trite pop culture comparisons to Apple that some people think are oh-so-smart. At least those we can argue about. Our last pundit this week can't even get basic facts right. Oh, the Macalope's aching antlers!

Most obviously, Apple's story mirrors that of "Breaking Bad" in the way the TV show began: Walter White, a chemistry teacher, is diagnosed with terminal cancer and decides to use his science skills to cook methamphetamine.

The Macalope feels Gallaga left something on the table here by not talking about how meth must affect the same part of the brain as using an iPhone. Really, who cares if it's true or not at this point?

It's hard not to think of Apple co-founder and longtime CEO Steve Jobs, who fought pancreatic cancer from 2003 until his death last year.

Because nobody else ever got cancer ever.

But let's leave aside the cancer theme, which has in more recent seasons of the show been on the back burner as Walt has been in remission.

And Steve Jobs has been dead. Analogies are hard!

What makes Apple so successful? Like Walter White, it has mixed the proper elements at just the right amounts to create highly pure, addictive products.

He got paid to write this.

But like Jobs, and Apple as a company, Walt's ego sometimes prompts him to make damaging mistakes.

Heeeeeeere we go ...

When Apple's iPhone 4 was found to have an external antenna problem...

It was clearly the same as when Walt had someone murdered in season 4. See how deep the parallels are? And suing Samsung? It's probably like missing the birth of your child to deliver some meth.

You know, it's an analogy, people. It doesn't have to fit perfectly.

Or, apparently, at all.

Android developers and casual observers alike claim that Apple may be stifling competition and fighting its battles in court instead of in the marketplace.

Android developers and people who can't be bothered to actually read the verdict and figure out what it was that Apple won.

Will Apple's turn as ruler of the roost last so long, or will the ultimate business comeback story turn into the tale of an empire that too quickly fell victim to its own hubris?

What Gallaga calls hubris, the rest of us call the Apple double standard. Only Apple is expected to make a phone with no antenna flaws and only Apple is expected to fight against its competitors with one arm tied behind its back.

But other than that, Apple's story is exactly like a guy who makes meth.

Saturday Special: Dropping conventional wisdom bombs

Look out, Apple fans, because your brains can't repel conventional wisdom of this magnitude!

Writing for Seeking Alpha, Ed Liston warns that "Apple May Lose The Smartphone War To Google."

Needless to say, what Apple is "losing" is just market share. Forget the fact that it makes most of the money and that Google makes more money on mobile advertising from iOS than Android and Microsoft may have made more off of Android so far than Google. Forget all that! If Android has more market share, Google is winning!


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